


Torchwood Training: Addams Style

by caz251



Series: Creepy Kooky Spooky...Torchwood [29]
Category: Addams Family - All Media Types, Torchwood
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-06
Updated: 2013-11-16
Packaged: 2017-12-31 17:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1034173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caz251/pseuds/caz251
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen goes to Torchwood Two for training and meets the strange little man in Glasgow. Gwenbashing, Slash, and General weirdness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story starts just before Look What Is Coming To Dinner and follows on after it. It is 8 chapters long and I will post a chapter a day until complete.

Gwen stared at the envelope that Ianto had handed her, the crisp parchment heavier than any paper she had held before. The Torchwood insignia branded in place of a postage stamp and emblazoned across the front of the envelope in blood red ink were the words Torchwood Operative Gwen Cooper. She looked at the letter confused, she had never seen anything like it before, she looked around at the others to see if they had gotten one as well, but couldn't see any other letters around. She moved over to Toshiko's desk hoping that the other woman would know what it was; she didn't want to open it in case it was something dangerous, Ianto had been rather curt with her recently, and she wouldn't put it past him to sabotage her in some way.

"Tosh sweetheart, do you know what this is? Ianto just left it for me, but I don't know what it is." Gwen asked, being as sweet as she could be, hoping that Toshiko would be able to alleviate her worries about the letter.

"Internal mail," Tosh spoke quietly as she tried to focus back on her computer on whatever search she was running. "Mail between Torchwood branches, it will be from Torchwood Two, four is still missing."

Gwen went back to her desk after thanking Toshiko, curious about what Torchwood Two wanted from her, maybe just to tell her how great a job she was doing as second in command of Torchwood Cardiff. It was obvious after all that the place really didn't run that well without her, she was sure that the letter was just a complimentary note about her skills. With that in mind she tore open the envelope, eager to read what Torchwood Two had to say to her. She didn't really know much about Torchwood Two, other than mutters every now and again about a strange man in Glasgow, and was curious about the team up in Scotland. The letter was not what she had been expecting though; it wasn't so much a complimentary note as a summons.

She looked at the note in disgust, who was this Director of Torchwood Glasgow to think that he could just summon her from Cardiff to Glasgow for training. How dare he think that she needed to be trained, or that he was the one capable of carrying out that training.

Torchwood Operative Gwen Cooper,

Your presence is required at Torchwood Two on Monday the 19th May 2008 at 9am for training and certification in Alien Technologies as is required by the Institute. This training will be an intensive course that will last four days, with certification taking place on Thursday.

Director,

Torchwood Glasgow.

Gwen growled at the letter, standing up and storming up the stairs to Jack's office, ignoring Toshiko who asked what was wrong, intent on getting Jack to deal with the man who thought he could order her around. Entering Jack's office it was to find him on the phone, he indicated that she should sit in front of him and she took the seat, calming a bit. Jack would sort everything out for her, he wouldn't send her all the way to Glasgow when he could provide any training that she needed, not that she really needed any training.

She listened with half an ear to his conversation, she didn't know who he was talking to, but he seemed to get on well with them at least. "Of course Archie, it's no problem. I know the rules as well as you do, it will be settled, and you can get through the last of the requirements by the end of next week."

Gwen waited until Jack finished his phone call, but almost as soon as he placed the phone down she launched into a defence of her skills and her disbelief at the Director of Torchwood Two to think that he could order Jack's staff around, especially her.

Jack looked at her in amusement at her rant, but she could tell that he agreed with her, so was really shocked when instead of immediately going on the phone to the other director to complain and give him a piece of his mind that he just sighed and looked at her in disappointment. She didn't know why he was disappointed with her, maybe he was disappointed at the idea of her being away from him for a few days. She was really shocked when he started to speak though, as he was definitely not taking her side in matters, something that she had never expected.

"Gwen, you are going to Scotland for Monday morning. Everything has been arranged and Archie has seen to your transport already. You will leave Cardiff on Sunday night to get to Glasgow on time to start your training, and you will be put up for the duration of your stay by Torchwood." Jack spoke calmly.

Gwen just stared at him for a few moments before she began to complain, "I don't need this training Jack, I know how to deal with alien technology, and anything I don't know you can teach me." She batted her eyelashes at him, hoping that he would realise that he didn't want her to leave for four days to Scotland.

"Everyone needs this training Gwen, its protocol, and I can't do the training. This is one lot of training that is always handled by another branch. I've had it; Owen, Tosh and Ianto have all had this training as well. Owen, Tosh and I got it in London, and Ianto went to Torchwood Two for his training." Jack explained, "You should have had this training ages ago, we've just never had the time to send you to be trained, but it's been scheduled in and it has to be done."

Gwen glared at him a little, she couldn't believe that Jack was going to send her to Scotland to be trained by some strange little man. She knew from the set of his jaw though that there was no arguing with him about it though, as she really didn't want him to get Ianto to put her on decaff, not again anyway. She tried with her last ditch attempt at getting out of going, "What about Rhys? What do I tell him?"

"The truth." Jack stated calmly, "That you will be out of the country for a training exercise. He will understand that you have to go, that it is part of your job. Now if you are quite done, I have to finish these before Ianto comes back for them." Jack finished with a glare at the stack of papers on his desk awaiting his signature.

Realising that she wasn't going to change the situation she just nodded before flouncing out of Jack's office, hopefully he would come round before she left on Sunday. She sighed loudly as she sat back down at her desk, she didn't want to go to Glasgow, she wanted to stay in Cardiff with Jack. She continued on with her work for the rest of the day before leaving early to go home to Rhys and hopefully a calmer and simpler situation than her workday had been. She supposed that she should probably let her husband know that she would be going away for a few days, hopefully his family didn't do any more damage to him in the time she was away. She may be lucky and they may leave while she was gone and she wouldn't have to deal with them again.


	2. Chapter 2

Gwen stared at the tickets in her hand, when Jack had said that Torchwood Two had arranged her transport this had not been what she had expected. If she was expected to travel to Glasgow from Cardiff she had at least wanted to fly, but no, here she was at Cardiff bus station, waiting for a bus to take her to Edinburgh from where she would get another bus to Glasgow. Looking at her tickets again she held in a scream of frustration when she realised that her first bus journey would be just over fourteen hours. What was she going to do on a bus for fourteen hours? She supposed she could sleep, she had done that before, slept on a bus journey, it hadn't been too bad, that was it she'd sleep and be completely refreshed to deal with the Director of Torchwood Two and the strange quirks that he apparently possessed.

She hadn't been able to find out much information about the other Director, Owen and Toshiko not knowing much. Jack had been unwilling to chat about the other man, and Ianto had been rather vague when she had asked him, only stating that the man had many idiosyncrasies and that he was brilliant at what he did. He also warned her that Torchwood Two's offices were slightly different to what she was used to, but she shrugged it off. She supposed that he just meant that it wasn't as organised without her there to direct everything. 

She got on the bus, waving half-heartedly at Rhys who had brought her to the bus station before finding what she thought looked to be a good seat. The bus soon filled up and she almost immediately regretted her seating choice when she realised that the air conditioner above her seat didn't work and a child who seemed to take pleasure in kicking chairs was sat behind her. There wasn't anywhere that she could move to though, so she was determined not to let it get to her, if she got too hot she could take off a layer, and she could always get the kid to stop, it would have to listen to her after all, she was Gwen Cooper of Torchwood, she was much more powerful than anyone else on the bus. So naturally she was the one in charge of the bus and therefore everyone would do as she told them.

She tried to settle in comfortably and get some sleep but with the child kicking her chair it seemed to be impossible, she growled to herself and went to confront the parents but neither of them listened to her. She let out a huff and sat forward in her seat waiting for the child to fall asleep before she leant back again. The seats weren't the comfiest, but they were more comfortable than the couch that she had been sleeping on for the last couple of evenings. She soon drifted off to sleep, but her dreams weren't pleasant. She couldn't help but dream of what had happened in the last couple of days and how horrible everyone seemed to have been to her, didn't they realise that she had done nothing wrong.

Gwen was exhausted by time she got off the bus, the journey was the worst one she could ever remember undertaking, there had always been someone or something keeping her awake during her trip. At first it had been the child, then her own dreams, then she had been too hot, the woman in front of her on the phone to her boyfriend, the drivers tuneless whistling and then she had been too cold. A worse journey she didn’t think was possible and she could wait to get to Torchwood Two so that they could set her up in her hotel.

Luckily for her she only had a ten minute wait between her bus from Cardiff and the one to Glasgow, so she was soon sat on another bus, this time only for just about an hour. That journey was no less torturous as she used the time to catch up on her emails. She had several, despite having only left the night before, something that told her she really was needed at Torchwood. She had an email from Owen, one from Toshiko and two from Ianto, yet no email from Jack. She supposed that he didn't want to use internal email to check on her as it may give the wrong impression to anyone monitoring internal email like Ianto. She knew that Jack didn't want him to know how he felt about her, so she felt a bit better thinking that he would contact her later. She read the emails from the others, expecting that it was requests for information or knowledge about something that only she could tell them.

Owen wanted her to pass on a file to the Director of Torchwood two for him, something that he had attached to the email, Tosh to remind her to pay attention to what she would be learning as Tosh had no time to retrain her, something that Gwen thought was just insubordination and something she would deal with when she got back to Cardiff. Ianto's emails were the worst though, one was her instructions for when she reached Glasgow as to how she would go about getting to Torchwood two, and the other was a badly worded request, it was almost a demand, that she do her paperwork. Gwen huffed, why she had to do her own paperwork as the second in command she didn't know, that was what Ianto was there for after all. Her instructions also annoyed her, she had thought that Torchwood two were arranging her transport, why she had to get a taxi from the bus station she didn't know, surely the Director could spare someone to come and collect her and take her to their offices, or even straight to her hotel.

She let out a groan as she got off the bus, carrying her bags, one on her shoulder and one on her back making her way to where she saw a line of taxis. The driver was very unsympathetic about her journey and ignored her pretty much the whole way to Torchwood two's offices. She was sure when they arrived that she was in the wrong place, but the driver assured her that this was the place that she wanted to go. She paid him for the journey rather reluctantly, after all he hadn't been the best taxi driver around, he had had no care for the needs of his passengers, and got out of the taxi to stare at the building in front of her.  
Gwen looked at the front of the building a look of distaste crossing her face, why on earth would Torchwood Two set up in a block of flats, there was no logic in it. She took out her phone and called the number Ianto had given her, waiting less than two rings for it to be answered. "Hi, it's Gwen Cooper. I'm looking for Archie."

"I'm Archie, the door is open, but the lifts aren't working. You'll need to take the stairs to the topmost floor you can reach, I'll leave the door open for you." The voice on the other end of the line replied before he abruptly hung up on her. 

She pulled open the door and made her way straight to the lifts, after all how did he know for sure that they were broken, they would work for her she was sure of it. She must have stood for five minutes trying to get the lifts to open before giving up and beginning the trek up to the top of the staircase. She didn't know how many stairs it was, but she was almost positive that they were alien in origin as she should not have been as tired as she was when she reached the top of them.

At the top of the stairs was a metal gate that had the Torchwood logo emblazoned all over it, and Gwen realised that despite her misgivings she must be in the right place. Why they had chosen this location was beyond her, the top of a high rise, it just didn't make sense. Why somewhere so public, surely dragging weevils up those stairs wasn't very feasible, people might see. It would be different if the lifts worked, but they had obviously been broken beyond repair for a long time if they refused to work for her. 

She pushed the gate and found that it was open, walking through it she jumped as it swung shut almost as soon as she had walked through it. She took in the sight of the landing she was on and noticed only one door, unlike all the other levels that she had stopped on to catch her breath. There was another set of stairs that seemed to be blocked off and Gwen considered going up them to check what was up there, surely it was something that would be of no problems to her but she decided against it after realising that it was just more stairs that she would have to climb.

She walked towards the only door, throwing it open and entering Torchwood Two like she owned the place. In a way she technically did, Jack was the Director of the Institute and as his Second Torchwood Two was hers by right. Not that she really wanted it, there was no way she would want to live in Glasgow when Jack was back in Cardiff.

She dropped her bags on the floor beside the door and entered the room a bit more cautiously, having thought about what she had heard about the strange Director. She had no idea what he was really like, and for all she knew he could leave dangerous things out all over the place. Looking around the room she was in she was surprised that it looked just like a hallway of a flat, just a lot longer than normal, obviously stretching the length of the building. 

She made her way through the open door in front of her, looking about for the Director, mildly annoyed at the fact that he hadn't been at the door to great her and take her bags. It was something that she would bring up to Jack when she called him later that evening, the man was not being very hospitable. Sat to the side of the doorway that she had just gone through was a man who looked to be in his late forties sat calmly, a phone to the side of him and a file in his hand. 

"Gwen Elizabeth Cooper, Torchwood Operative from the Cardiff Branch Torchwood Three. Police and Community Liaison." He began looking her up and down as she turned to face him. “You’re late.”


	3. Chapter 3

Archienius Addams was annoyed, he was sick and tired of waiting for Torchwood Officer Gwen Cooper, he refused to call her Gwen Williams or Gwen Addams, she deserved neither title. The woman should have been there by now, she had definitely left Cardiff with enough time to spare to arrive at his headquarters, he had been assured by both Tharmus and Aluka that she had left. Tharmus had made sure that she had left work early enough to ready herself for her trip. Aluka had called him to inform him that she was on her way, that he had seen her onto the bus himself, he had also commented that she was bound to be annoyed and angry by time she reached him as she had been rather put out at her mode of transport.

Archienius didn't mind that though, in fact he was rather looking forward to it, he outranked her and would have no problems taking her to task if she tried to disagree with his choices. He had dealt with more aggravating women than Gwen Cooper in his time, he was sure that she couldn't be any more aggravating than Yvonne Hartmann had been. He reread her file, of course he had made a copy when Tharmus had brought it up to him, and to say that he was unimpressed was an understatement. 

Archienius was bound and determined to find out if there was anything salvageable within the woman, he knew that there was nothing in her that would make her a decent Addams wife, but he may be able to carve out a Torchwood Officer out of her.   
He was sure that Jack had tried, but even he knew that Jack was rather soft at times, if he saw something in someone. Tharmus had informed him that it was Gwen's humanity that had drawn Jack in, but from what he had gleaned from her file that humanity was selective and she only chose to use it to the detriment of the team or the mission when she was sure that she was right. It wasn't something that Archienius was willing to put up with, he was meant to be teaching Cooper on Alien Technologies, but she was going to be trained in much more if he had his say. It may go out with Torchwood and his duty and loyalty would always be with both Torchwood and the family, but he would be all for sending her off to a UNIT training camp for a while. He knew that Jack would never go for it though, so he was going to have to do his best with her in the few days that he had her there with him and entrust Tharmus to deal with the rest of her retraining.

It wasn't that he didn’t trust Jack to retrain her, but he was sure that she was the way she was in part due to the lax manner in which Jack had dealt with her in the past. She seemed to have some sort of emotional hold over Harkness that she would no doubt exploit to get her own way as he was sure that she had done in the past.

Archienius decided to put the woman of his mind, there was no point on dwelling on when she would turn up, she was bound to eventually, she had to realise that there would be consequences if she didn't. Instead he turned his mind to the reports that he had received earlier that morning of Nessa being a bit disgruntled. He knew that he was going to have to take a trip and check on her and find out what was upsetting her. He supposed he could take Cooper with him, se what she thought of Nessa and what Nessa thought of her. If there was a better judge of character he had never met them, and he wondered how the woman would cope with a talking alien sea snake. He was sure that it was bound to be an interesting excursion if nothing else.  
Archienius had just calculated the time required to deal with Nessa and fit it round Gwen's training when his phone rang. Answering it he allowed the woman entry into the building, giving her directions and informing her of the problems with the lifts. He waited for her to arrive, and seemed to wait even longer, she should have been there by now. He supposed that she had decided to prove him wrong and had waited for the lifts that he had deactivated, it would be just like her from what he had heard.

When she finally arrived she looked around rather unimpressed, something that annoyed him, how dare she look down on him and his home/base. Annoyed at her behaviour Archie decided that any nicety that he was going to show her was completely unneeded. He looked up from the file he still held open in his hands. "Gwen Elizabeth Cooper, Torchwood Operative from the Cardiff Branch Torchwood Three. Police and Community Liaison." He began looking her up and down as she turned to face him. “You’re late.”

He could see the anger in the woman's eyes and smiled inside, good, if she was angry she was unsettled and unbalanced, that would just make things a lot easier for him. He smiled at her wolfishly, "Miss Cooper, I do hope you realise the severity of this training and are willing to take it seriously, it could one day save your life and that of your teammates, your superiors."

Gwen looked at him and it was obvious that she wanted to say something to him, but was unsure as to how much she could get away with regarding him, she would soon find out that she would be getting away with nothing.

"Yes Miss Cooper, you wish to say something." He drawled, wondering what exactly it was that she was determined to say, especially when she had yet to get the measure of him.

"I am the second in command of Torchwood Cardiff, Jack is my only superior, the others are my subordinates." She spoke clearly, the annoyance in her voice plain for him to hear.

Archie laughed an actual full bellied laugh at that. "I think not Miss Cooper. Mr Harper is the second in command of Torchwood Cardiff, while Mr Jones is second in command of the Torchwood Institute. You are still a rookie Miss Cooper; you have not even completed all the mandated training for a rookie."

He could tell that he had succeeded in annoying her at the growl she let out. He was actually vaguely impressed, she sounded just like a weevil, maybe he could forgo some of the alien recognition training that he had intended to give her if she could mimic them so well.

"If you are ready Miss Cooper we shall be leaving now." Archie said as he indicated that she should move back the way she had come.

She stomped ahead of him and he shut the door behind him sealing it with some handy little technology. As she went to collect her bags he cleared his throat, catching her attention. "I think not Miss Cooper. They will not be necessary on this outing."  
He ushered her through the door, ignoring her complaints that she would need her bags when checking into her hotel, how else was she meant to take a shower after all. He smirked, she thought that they would be putting her up in a hotel, how naive of her. Torchwood only put guests and visitors up in hotels, she was a Torchwood agent, she would stay on site.

"We are not going to a hotel Miss Cooper. This is Torchwood, we have a job to do, or do you believe that we should just ask the aliens to hold off for a while so that you can shower?" Archie commented, ignoring the squeal of indignation that came from the woman at his side as he descended the stairs. "Do hurry up, Miss Cooper." He called back to her when he realised that she was lagging behind him. "How on earth do you believe you will be effective with Torchwood if you cannot even handle some stairs without being drained of your energy?"

Archie smirked to himself as he walked out of the front of the building, climbing into the driver’s seat of the white Transit van that was parked there and waited for the woman that he was meant to be training. He was sure that by the time she left the woman will have deemed his training as torture instead, but he was having fun that was all that mattered. That and that she was brought up to Torchwood standards swiftly, so that she could go back to Cardiff and be out from under his feet. He had a feeling that while he would get some enjoyment from the next few days that he would also be very glad when he was able to get rid of the woman. He had a feeling that the rest of the family thought the same about her to be honest, he would have to make a few phone calls later to find some more information to use to his advantage.

He glared at her when she finally got into the front passenger seat, complaining as she did so that he hadn't held the door for her, or waited for her to catch up. He was surprised that she didn't start a diatribe about how he shouldn't be rushing off without her there to protect him and the planet. From how she had conducted herself on previous mission it was something that he was sure would be perfectly normal to come out of her mouth.

When she paused to breathe he threw her a withering look, handing her a file from the glove compartment and insisting that she be quiet and read it while they made their way to their destination. He didn't tell her where they were going or how long it would take to get there, that was basic information in the file. Instead he turned the radio on and ignored her as he thought about whatever it was that was wrong with Nessa. Hopefully it was nothing too serious, sometimes she just got agitated with things that appeared in her loch from other planets. Just like Cardiff's rift Loch Ness was always throwing out the most random of objects at times. Not all of which the resident alien occupant of the loch was happy about. Archie chuckled about what the reaction of the woman next to him would be to the largest rift in the United Kingdom.


	4. Chapter 4

Gwen glared at the file in her hands, deciding that it was better to glare at it rather than the man occupying the van with her. She didn't know what to think of the Head of Torchwood Two, but he was certainly no Jack, and he didn't appreciate all that she did for torchwood. Jack mustn’t have told him how important she was, he must have wanted the other man to find out and assess her skills for himself. Gwen nodded internally at that, that must be the reason, the other man was not aware of her true skill level, well she would have to show him exactly how valuable she was to both Jack and Torchwood.

She opened the file, wondering what exactly it was that they would be dealing with, hoping that it was something that she was extremely knowledgeable on so that she would be able to show the best of her skills. Gwen glared at the file in front of her, Loch Ness, of all the places she had to go it was Loch Ness. From the file she knew it was almost a four hour journey, she had been travelling all night, the least the man next to her could have done was allow her to shower and change. She turned her glare from the file to the head of Torchwood two, the man would regret treating her like this, she would make sure of it. Jack would make sure that he was disciplined for the way that he was treating her or she could always utilise her in-laws, she may not like her husband’s family, but she wasn’t above using them to her advantage. No matter what the leader of Torchwood two had come across it was probably nothing compared to the Addams family. That settled in her mind she turned her attention back to the file in her hand, curious as to why they were going all the way to Loch Ness.

The file was enlightening, reading between the lines as only she could, she worked out all the nonsense about the Loch Ness monster. Loch Ness was actually a rift in space and time, so Torchwood must have published the story about a monster in an attempt to warn away scavengers. She read the rest of the file wondering what Torchwood officer #63554 was like and how respect she would have for Gwen. The other operative was stationed up at Loch Ness permanently to look after the rift and clear up any problems that occurred, just like Gwen herself did back in Cardiff. Only Gwen obviously did it much more successfully despite the other woman having more experience, as otherwise why would they have called Gwen in to deal with the trouble that was obviously occurring that the other woman couldn’t deal with. From the file Gwen knew that the other woman was a foreign operative, but she apparently spoke fluent English and Gaelic and had been approved her citizenship by the Crown itself. There was no mention of what her first language was though, or her country of origin and Gwen couldn’t help but find herself a little curious.

While she was curious about operative #63554, it was nowhere near the curiousity she had about the man sat next to her in the van, the strange little man in Glasgow, Archie. Toshiko and Owen knew very little about him and neither Jack or Ianto had been forthcoming with information. If she was honest she thought that they were both holding back on her about something concerning the other man, but she was sure that she could figure it out for herself. The man wasn’t the best looking guy around, and he looked to be in his forties, no wedding ring and he probably didn’t have a girlfriend either. Gwen knew just how to get him to like her, she would flirt a little and he would open up to her, it worked with lots of people.

The man had seemed to have been all about business so far, so she decided to use that as a way in with him. “So what is it like working here in Scotland with Torchwood?”

“Interesting.” He replied shortly, not even looking towards her, his eyes focussed completely on the road, something that infuriated her, why didn’t he look at her when he spoke to her.

Trying again, she again kept the topic of choice as work, hoping for more than a one word answer. “Are you in charge of all of Scotland then? How is your response time for major incidents if you have to travel a huge distance?”

“Yes. Just fine.” Archie responded.

Gwen sighed loudly, she had managed to get a few words out of him, but the man didn’t seem to be giving her an opening to try and flirt with him, something that was beginning to annoy her. How could she get him to see how amazing she was if he wouldn’t give her a chance to show him? She opened her mouth to speak once more only for him to hold up his hand to stop her.

“Miss Cooper. I know you wish to talk, but I prefer to drive in silence. So cease and desist your prattling please.” Archie spoke clearly, ignoring the look of anger that appeared on Gwen’s face at his words.

Gwen let out a huff of annoyance at the man’s attitude and the way that he was talking to her, but didn’t speak back as she wished to. She had caught sight of the hardened closed off expression on his face and decided that she should maybe wait to confront the man until later. Instead she slumped back into her seat, and the rest of the drive up to Loch Ness was passed in silence.


	5. Chapter 5

Archienius Addams had never been so grateful as to get to his destination as he was on this journey, he had never known that a van drive could be so torturous, he was not happy at the idea of the journey back and was wondering what he could do to punish Ianto for not warning him of the horror that was driving with Gwen Cooper as a passenger. Arriving at Loch Ness was the best part of the journey and he was out of the van almost as soon as he had parked it, striding towards the Loch, Gwen following along in his wake, once again talking.

"Are we meeting Operative 63554 near here or are we just taking over the scene?" She asked, "After all I have much more experience with dealing with rifts in time and space after dealing with the Cardiff rift."

Archienius ignored her not even deigning to respond to her insolent question, but rather wading out into the Loch, looking at her expectantly when she didn't immediately follow him. He watched with a satisfied grin as she eventually followed him out into the water. Once he was sufficiently far out into the Loch he called out hoping to catch his friends attention, "Nessa sweetheart, where are you? You wanted me out here, what is going on?"

Gwen looked at him as though he had lost his mind and was probably trying to formulate a plan as to how she could use it to her advantage and have him removed as the Head of Torchwood Two. She would soon be surprised when Nessa appeared to answer him, he wasn't sure what or who she thought Nessa would be, after all his files had never explained that operative 63554 was Nessa, or as the locals had come to know her Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster.

Archienius let a small grin cross his face as Nessa appeared startling Gwen who immediately pulled her sidearm and tried to shoot her fellow operative, something that she would be thoroughly disciplined for once they had dealt with whatever problem it was that Nessa had called him in for. Luckily for Gwen her firearm was wet and wouldn't work properly, because if she had injured either him or Nessa she would either be going back to Cardiff in a wooden box, or as a mental patient unable to remember the majority of her life.

Both he and Nessa were unharmed though and able to greet each other as friends did, with a hug, one that probably looked rather odd to many people. It wasn't the easiest thing to do after all, hugging a large metal snake, but it was not something that he would ever refuse. Nessa had been his friend for a long time and he would never do anything to hurt that friendship, it was too precious to him, even if they only saw each other infrequently it didn't make them any less friends. He knew that Nessa would always have his back, just like he would have hers. Gwen Cooper was not going to come between them, no matter what she thought of Nessa or her place in the Institute. She was a fully fledged member of Torchwood, one who even had the blessings of UNIT, something that was necessary to her survival in a way after a mishap in the past.

"What is the situation, Nessa?" Archienius asked, ignoring Gwen and her muttering in the background as he focused completely on what Nessa was telling him. 

"That is not an operative." Gwen exclaimed finally, having become thoroughly annoyed at being ignored, "That is a thing, a creature, an alien, it can't serve Torchwood. It is just as bad as those hairy things my stupid husband calls family."

Archienius growled, how dare in the woman speak about his friend and his family in such a way. She would pay for that he would make sure of it, he was going to find the most strenuous training regime for her and send it back to Cardiff with her for Tharmus to implement. His Welsh cousin would no doubt be willing to put her in her place, especially as she seemed to be trying to steal his soon to be bonded.

"Miss Cooper, keep your opinions to yourself they are neither correct or wanted." He bit out at her before turning back towards the loch, "Do continue Nessa dear, you were saying."

He focused his full attention back on the conversation that he was having hoping that whatever had troubled Nessa so much wasn't going to be too dangerous as he was sure that Gwen would make the situation catastrophic without even trying just through sheer incompetence. He really did need to speak to Harkness about why he had employed the woman and why she hadn't been retconned back to infancy when he found out what a liability she was.

As it turned out it wasn't anything with any real potential to be dangerous with the correct handling, some tech had come through the rift that Nessa needed to be removed quickly as it was trying to take control of her, something she hadn't felt in years since she had swallowed a detonator. It was easy to contain the two small pieces of technology in containment units and secure them in the back of the van for him to take a look at later.

Gwen huffed the whole time, especially as he made her contain both pieces of equipment so that he could watch and assess her knowledge and use of handling protocols, he knew that she had ignored them in the past, something that had led to the death of innocents. He and Nessa watched from the shore as she trudged to and from the van, Nessa making a few comments about her suitability and how he should get rid of her quickly as she would never fit in with their Torchwood.

When he explained that he was only doing some of her training for Cardiff she had let out a relieved snort, the idea of working with the other woman again was obviously as unpalatable to Nessa as it was to him. Gwen Cooper did not make friends easily, if anything she alienated people just by opening her mouth. How she got on as a liaison with the local police he had no idea, but he wouldn't be surprised if most of the work was done by Tharmus, him only allowing her the allusion that she was the one with the contacts and skills to hold the position.

Once everything was packed away in the van and he had said his goodbyes to Nessa he found himself once more sat in the van with Gwen Cooper, ready to head back to base. It was going to be a long drive, especially as they both had anger bubbling just under the surface. Archienius refused to let his anger get the best of him though, he was going to wait until he was back at the flat and then he was going to let loose. He wouldn't dare start something on the road, he would prefer to wait until he was back on solid ground with a variety of recording devices that he could make a copy of the situation for the family to watch.


	6. Chapter 6

Gwen fumed the whole drive back to Glasgow, she was annoyed with the man who called himself the leader of Torchwood two, he was incompetent. He didn't listen to her warnings about that thing in the loch, the locals had it right, it was a monster, whereas the man in the driving seat seemed to consider it a friend almost like it was a human being. She couldn't believe it, she had read the file on the way to the loch and had wondered about operative 63554, but she would never have guessed or expected a large metal snake to be a Torchwood operative.

She could maybe see Torchwood using the snake for their purposes, but it should be locked up at all other times, after all if it was alien it belonged to Torchwood anyway. She didn't see why they had to be nice to it or treat it like it was something that it was not. She would be speaking to Jack about it when she got back to Cardiff, she was sure that he would understand and see to it that the whole situation was fixed quickly.

The other man was obviously incompetent and Jack needed to put someone else in charge of Torchwood two, the man couldn't even contain a couple of pieces of technology, he had left it all to her. She had to admit that she knew how to do the job much better than he did, but that was no reason to make her do all the work. There was a lot that Archie could learn from her if he just took the time and got over himself. The fact that he thought himself so amazing was something that meant that he would endanger someone sooner or later and she didn't want it to be her.

Gwen was glad when they finally got back to the Torchwood two base, even if she wasn't looking forward to climbing the stairs again. She had spent the majority of the past 24 hours in a moving vehicle and all she wanted to do was sleep, perhaps phone Jack first so that he could lull her to sleep with his voice.

As soon as the van came to a stop she jumped out and started to make her way towards the building intent on getting her stuff and getting to wherever it was she was staying, so that she could phone Jack. She hadn't gotten far before Archie was calling her back and insisting that she carry one of the containment boxes up the stairs, berating her for trying to leave them in such an unsecure environment when they were unaware as to what the devices actually were or what it was that they did.

She grabbed one of the boxes, leaving the other to the man who was glaring at her, and stormed towards the building. She stomped up the stairs as fast as she could, not allowing them to get the better of her this time. She was knackered by the time that she reached the top, but she felt accomplished that she had bet the other operative up the stairs even if she did feel like she had just gone ten rounds with a weevil. She was shocked and horrified therefore when she found that the door was wide open for her and that the leader of Torchwood two was once again sat in his chair waiting for her, looking as though he had been waiting a while. If it weren't for the containment box on the table she would swear that it had been a trick and that he had been there the whole time with a double or a twin out in the field with her.

She stormed into the room dropping the containment box on top of the other one, glaring at the glare the other man threw at her. Deciding not to let her anger get the better of her just now she took a deep breath before looking at him. She would not allow herself to get angry; she would save her anger for the morning when she was more rested. She wanted a good night’s sleep so that she would be able to spend the next few days trying to fix torchwood two before she returned to Cardiff.

If she returned having straightened out this branch, something that Jack had obviously sent her to do, then Jack would have no choice but to see how wonderful she was. Then he would no doubt ask her to leave Rhys for him, something that she would have no problem doing, she had been waiting for him to ask ever since she first met him, and nothing like a bit of paper or some marriage vows would stop her.

"Where am I staying?" Gwen asked, trying and failing to be polite, but at that point she didn't really care. All she wanted was a hot shower, a warm bed and the chance to call Jack to update him on everything that was going on.

Archie stood abruptly, looking as though he was going to say something but had thought better of it. "This way." He barked at her before leading her down a corridor, "In there," he pointed, "your schedule for the next few days is on the bedside counter, memorise it." He then walked off, ignoring her muttered complaints about his manners.

She walked into the room, unsure as to what exactly she was expecting, but knowing that a camp bed was not it. She let out a scream of frustration, but calmed as she noticed another door, one that led to a bathroom. The facilities weren't amazing, but at least she could have a shower. She grabbed her bags before going back to the small bathroom and getting into the shower, she turned it up full and stepped under the spray only to scream and jump back out of the spray as she was hit with freezing cold water. She tried to adjust the temperature, but found that it was beyond her. She had a quick shower, probably the quickest one she had ever had before getting out and drying off. She got dressed and crawled into the camp bed, forgoing her call to Jack instead attempting to warm up in any way she could before she fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that this has taken so long to post. I was supposed to post Tuesday and Wednesday but work was mental and I was exhausted. I intended to post both chapters on Thursday before spending the weekend with friends, but I was in a car crash on Thursday night and am in quite a bit of pain, so this is the first chance I have really had to get to my pc to post.

Archienius Addams was annoyed majorly, he couldn't believe the audacity of the woman, he wasn't stupid he could tell exactly what she was thinking. He may not know everything like Tharmus did, but he could tell exactly what the woman thought of him and the way that he ran his organisation, and he did not like her thoughts one bit. The woman was too self-absorbed to be a decent torchwood officer, or a torchwood officer of the future at least. She reminded him a bit of Yvonne Hartmann, and the Torchwood Lesbians Emily and Alice. He was sure that they were not comparisons that Jack had made otherwise the woman would have been gone from torchwood a long time ago, but sometimes it took a fresh pair of eyes. 

From what he knew of Harkness and the situation with Cooper it seemed that he was completely blind to her faults. That was something that was dangerous in any situation, but in this one where it was the head of the institute that was blinded there was nothing but peril to come in the future. Unlike Andronenkos he couldn't actually see the future, but he didn't need to be able to see specific instances to know that Gwen Cooper would no doubt get either herself or a member of her team killed if she wasn't stopped soon.

The fact that she thought he was incapable of leading torchwood two was laughable though, she had no idea of anything that went on in Scotland, sometimes it was worse there than Cardiff or London. She thought that she could do a better job, but she didn't even know what the job is. He couldn't believe how self-centred she really was. He had read the files of course and had listened to his family’s evaluation of her, but he had no idea how bad she was until he met her in person.

He lightened up a bit when he thought of ever5ything that he would be putting her through in the next few days. The schedule he left for her was two full days spanning from 4am to midnight. After all to be a true member of torchwood you had to function on less than four hours sleep at times, really he was just training her into better habits. She would start with two hours of physical exercise, then she would have an hour to shower and eat, he didn't want to have to smell her all day. She would then spend five hours slogging through manuals on protocol, break for lunch, then work on alien technology recognition and handling until dinner. After dinner she would spend her time learning recognition of alien species and cultures. She had two days to learn as much as she could before he tested her on Thursday, he didn't think she could do it, and was personally hoping that she would fail.

Waking Gwen with a bull horn was one of the most enjoyable experiences that Archienius had had in a while; the look on the woman’s face as she was roused out of sleep would stay in his memory for years. If only he had a picture of it that he could send the family, he was sure that they would get as much enjoyment out of it as he had. He couldn't believe the screech that she let out when he had informed her of her itinerary for the day, she seemed outraged, when really she should already know what was in store for her. After all he had left her with a detailed plan of her activities for the next three days that she would spend in his company. He supposed that expecting her to read what he provided for her was probably too much of an expectation.

Archienius spent the next two days balancing his time between dealing with his own personal experiments, torchwood business and training Gwen; the latter taking up the most of his time. The woman and her reactions were entertaining though so he had begun to see the time that he spent with the woman as comic relief. Then again the times were she insulted his family, even inadvertently, were all beginning to make his blood boil. He had decided not to let it show though, and was preparing to deal with her before she left for Cardiff. She would soon regret ever saying a bad word about his family.

She had obviously decided some point in the first day of her intensive training regime that she wanted to get him onside and had begun to tell him all about the inner workings of torchwood three and how they were all so useless without her and Jack. He knew for a fact that Tharmus was not useless, he had been partly responsible for his Torchwood training, and Grizelda had been in charge of his Addams instruction, the man was anything but useless. The corpse, while a bit abrasive at times, was very good at his job and Toshiko was a genius, at least according to the family and his files. He wouldn't mind getting her up to Glasgow for a while to work with him on some of his projects, he wondered if he could somehow manage to get that one past Jack, or if he should propose it straight to either Tharmus or Toshiko.

Archienius also made note to himself to mention to Jack how the woman couldn't be trusted with any sensitive information if she was going to use it to try and gain favour elsewhere, he wouldn't be surprised if there were hundreds of torchwood secrets floating around UNIT if Gwen had had any contact with the other agency. Archienius was sure that she would be unable to keep her mouth shut even when her life depended on it. She was not the type of woman you wanted working for a secret agency.

Knowing though that her training reflected on him he pushed her as hard as he dared, knowing that if she failed it would look bad for him. While he wouldn't mind her failing as it would be a way to push her out of the institute he had a perfect record of passes for this training. He knew that his record would be tarnished anyway as there was no way that Cooper would pass in the top 2% like all his other trainees had done, but she had to pass. Once she had passed he could deal with all her slurs on his family before sending her back to Cardiff and Tharmus with a training regime that would make her want to quit the institute herself.


	8. Chapter 8

Gwen Cooper was not impressed, if anything she was exhausted, she felt like she hadn't slept properly in days, and to be honest she hadn't. Between her couch, the bus and the camp bed, she was definitely looking forward to getting home and getting into her own bed. She had spent the last few days buried in books, files, and alien space junk, not to mention the time she spent running around a council estate in Glasgow. She was more than ready to sleep. First though she had to pass this stupid test that she had been sent to Glasgow to take, why jack couldn't test her in Cardiff she didn't know, she was sure it was just a way to let her prove her worth by giving him a full report on torchwood two when she arrived home.

Archie hadn't proven too bad in the end although he was a hard and demanding task master. He had gotten quiet when she had discussed the failings of her team and wondered if she couldn't get rid of him from torchwood two, if she could use him as an ally to get rid of Ianto from torchwood three.

Gwen looked at the test in front of her; it reminded her of being back at school, the thick book in miniscule font. She knew that it was going to take her a while and luckily she hadn't been given a time limit on how long she had. She wasn't aware that her time was being recorded and she would be compared to others who sat the test, but that didn't really matter to her as she had all the time in the world to complete the test as she felt she needed. 

She stared at the questions, many of them making no sense to her at all, but knowing she had to put an answer. Luckily the test was multiple choice questions for the most part and if she didn't know she at least had a one in four chance of her guess being right. She knew that she guessed more questions than she actually knew the answer to, but hoped that she would do okay anyway. She didn't really know why the test was that important anyway, she did her job in the field well enough, in fact she was probably only second in the field to Jack and that was because he had much more experience than she could gain in her lifetime.

Once she was finished with her test she handed it to Archie to mark before rushing off to eat and repack her things in readiness for her journey home. She was taking a train this time at her own expense, mainly just to get home quickly. She was surprised when Archie knocked on her door ten minutes later with her graded test in hand, it taken him far less time to mark it than it had taken her to answer the questions. He stared at her blankly for a few moments before handing her the test to take back to Cardiff with her.

"You passed." He informed dryly, looking at her as if she had somehow failed him, something she didn't understand, "In the bottom 2% of passes, but you passed."

Gwen looked at him; there was no way that she had been that close to failing she would get Jack to look at the test when she got back to Cardiff. First though she had to get back to Cardiff, and if she didn't hurry up she was going to miss her train. She nodded at the other man, hoping that he was finished with her and that she could get her stuff and leave. Perhaps he could give her a lift to the station for the train. She opened her mouth to ask him to drop her off only to be cut off.

"If you will meet me in the front room when you are ready to leave Miss Cooper, we have a few more things to discuss before you leave." Archie commented before making his way back down the corridor.

Gwen huffed, grabbing her bags to take with her to save her some time, hopefully whatever they still had to talk about wouldn't take long and he would give her a lift to the station. Entering the front room once she had dropped her bags in the doorway she was told to take a seat.

"You have only been here a few days Miss Cooper, but in that time I have evaluated you as a person and as an operative, and I find both to be lacking. Unfortunately I have no say on you as a person, that must be left up to you to correct and for your family to have to live with. As an operative however there is much I can do. While I am not second in command of torchwood as a director of a torchwood branch I find myself third in the chain of command and in the unique position to see you as an outsider would." Archie began.

He held up his hand to forestall the protest before it could leave her mouth, "I am sending back with you a training regime that I am insisting that you will follow for the next four months at least. I am also instructing for your field access to be rescinded until you have passed two different capability tests that I will coordinate with Captain Harkness and Mr Jones."

Gwen stared at him in shock, she had been sure that the other man had been warming up to her. He was going to make her go through more training, and take her out of the field, the team were useless in the field without her. She told him as much only for him to laugh a little then puff himself up in anger.

"If you truly believe that Miss Cooper, you are more of an idiot than I believed. All of your team are field trained, they are technically trained, and they are train in alien recognition to a greater degree than yourself. They also have field experience, humility and compassion, skills and traits I have yet to see in you." Archie snorted, "Things will become clearer to you in the future Miss Cooper."

He then stood, walked over to a filing cabinet and pulled out a sealed metal tin. He handed it to her, fixing her with a glare, almost daring her to lose it. "Sealed orders for Captain Harkness, make sure they get to him, I will know if they don't."

Gwen just nodded, not wanting to annoy him, he seemed to be on a rather short fuse, something that she hadn't seen the whole time she had been there. No matter how much she had pushed the other man he had never given in to his anger. 

"Come Miss Cooper, I will give you a lift to the station." Archie said as he picked up one of her bags and took off down the stairs.

Gwen followed after him, unsure as to what to say or whether she should actually speak at all. The drive into the centre of Glasgow was silent and took longer than she had expected, whether on purpose or not she was unaware, but what she did know was that she had missed her train. Hopefully she could exchange her tickets for a later train.

Archie dropped her off at the bus station rather than the train station, stating that he had to get to an alert and it was easier than going around the one way system. She got out the van, thanking him quietly for the training, knowing that she needed to be polite, his warnings about who he was in the institute having sunk into her on the drive to the station.

"Give my love to Aluka and the rest of the family will you." Archie called as he started to drive away, "You might want to hurry if you don't want to miss your bus."

As she watched him drive away she reached into her bag to pull out her tickets, only to find instead of the train tickets she had placed there, two bus tickets. One Glasgow to Edinburgh, and one Edinburgh to Cardiff. She raced to the bus stop noting that she only had two minutes until her bus left, cursing as she did so. Jack would hear about this, the strange little man in Glasgow was going to have to watch out for her, she would not put up with being humiliated like this, even by a member of her husband’s family. Especially by a member of her husband’s family. She would use all the skills she had in her arsenal to pay him and every other Addams back, they would wish they had never messed with Gwen Cooper. She would show them exactly who she was and why never to cross her.


End file.
